Television
by Artsy-freak45
Summary: Edina and Patsy have been asked to be on a reality TV show called "Amish Life" See how the two deal with this dilema!


Bubble sat on the edge of the couch, poking Edina's sleeping face.

Edina woke up with a jolt, "What's the meaning of this?" she cried, batting away Bubble's finger.

"I was tryin' te get you up, like you asked" she responded, looking wide eyed at Edina.

"Oh, thank you Bubble," Edina, said, getting up from the couch, "BUBBLE!" she yelled, "it's two o'clock! I asked you to get me up an hour ago!"

"Well, I tried, but you wouldn't wek up! So I've ben pokin' at your face for an hour." She answered, not at all worried.

Edina sighed, "Now I'm going to be late for my meeting.

Edina was scheduled for a meeting with an American production company, they had spotted her at Harvey Nichs, and thought she would be perfect to be apart of a reality Television show they were doing. Loving the spotlight, Edina didn't hesitate to agree.

Edina dialed the Jorge's (the American Guy's) cell phone.

"Jorge, It's EdinaâEdina!..the lady from Harvey Nichsâthe store in LondonâWe have a meetingâyes, EdinaâI'm sorry, I'm going to be a bit lateâ.oh you will waitâ.thank you." She then hung up her mobile and looked at Bubble, "Well, you didn't screw up completely this time," she said sharply. She grabbed her purse, and walked out of her office.

Patsy was waiting outside Edina's car when she got outside.

"Pats! What are you doing here?" she exclaimed.

"Well I, I need a ride," Patsy answered suspiciously.

"All right, get in," Edina answered a tad annoyed.

The car was already rolling when Patsy spoke. "Eddy, can I come with you to your meeting?" she asked.

"No Pats."

"But I want to be on television as well," she whined

"No Pats. Remember the last time you were on television?" Edina asked nodding her head towards Patsy.

"Yes butâthis is different!" She exclaimed

"Not really." Edina grumbled, wanting to do the show by herself.

"But wouldn't you want you best friend there with you?" she squealed in that little baby voice, looking over at Edina.

Edina rolled her eyes, "fine you can come."

ââââââ..

Edina and Patsy sat across from Jorge Burns at a little table at a café in London.

"What exactly is it that you do?" Patsy asked him, rubbing his arm, grinning.

Jorge blushed, "I'm a casting director for a new reality series called, "Amish Life," where we take 12 city people and put them on an Amish farm, and have them go about living like Amish people. There are also going to be eliminations, about 2 people every two days, the last person remaining will win 500,000 dollars or about, 278,039 pounds. I thought it would be interesting having a British person, but two would be spectacular. Are you lady's in?"

Both women, not exactly knowing what Amish people were agreed.

"Okay, we'll fly you to Pennsylvania two weeks from Monday. No backing out once you've started, got that?" He asked them.

They both nodded.

"We'll be contacting you very soon." He said. He winked as he got up and left.

Edina and Patsy became very excited.

ââââââ..

Edina bounded down her kitchen stairs, wailing, "Saff! Saff!"

Saffron was busy reading a novel at the kitchen table, "what?" she groaned.

Edina sat down next to her, "I'm going to be on a television program!" She exclaimed.

Saffron shook her head and kept reading.

"Well don't get too excited," Edina grumbled, turning away from her daughter.

Saffron sighed, "Okay, what will you be doing on television?"

"Oh, so glad you asked," Edina, said, turning to face her daughter.

"Well" Saffron sighed, obviously a little fed up.

"I'm going to be on a reality television show in America for 13 days!!" Edina yelled.

"You, on a reality television show? What did they want you for?" She asked, a little skeptically.

"It's this show called "Amish Life," and me, Patsy and 10 other people will live in this thing called Amish country, doesn't that sound exciting?" Said Edina at the edge of her seat.

Saffron grinned (which we don't see her do much), "Do you even know what Amish is?"

Edina gave her a confused look, "no, why?"

Saffron shook her head. "The Amish are people who don't believe in modern times, meaning they don't believe in electricity, batteries, cars, etc, they also live on farms, they get up before the sun everyday and work until sundown, the women are made to wear long dresses, and bonnets, they do not care about fashion at all. That is some what of a summary, I believe you'll learn more on the set."

Edina gasped, "Damn!"

ââââââ..

Edina had just broken the horrible news to Patsy, who was now crying.

Patsy blew her nose, "can we drink?" she asked very nervously?

Edina shook her head and the both started crying together.

âââ. 16 days laterâââ.

Edina and Patsy waddled off the airplane, very drunk.

Jorge was waiting for them at the other side of the gate, "Hello ladies" He said, all of a sudden realizing they were very drunk.

"Hello Jorge," Patsy said giggling, as she brushed up against him.

Edina just fell to the ground.

ââââââ..

It was a four hour drive from the airport to Amish country, Edina and Patsy woke up at the tail end of it, pretty sober, and hating it.

Jorge turned around, looking at them from the front seat, "Hello sleepyheads," he chuckled, "Let me just tell you what's going to happen, the rest of today is just going to be your basic orientation, you'll learn about the rules, and the Amish way of life. And in three days, 2 of you will be eliminated." He winked at them then turned around.

"Oh damn," Patsy grumbled.

ââââââ..

The two women sat with the 10 other contestants during the orientation; they sat there horrified with what they were hearing. No drinking, no electronics, no cars, no long breaks, no pants (for women) etc

Edina and Patsy wanted to run out screaming.

"This is going to be bloody hell," Edina whispered to Patsy.

"Damnit, how could you talk me into this" Patsy whispered, slightly louder back.

"I didn't talk you into this, you wanted to do this yourself, Hell, I didn't even know what Amish was until Saffron explained it to me."

"Well this is going to be the worst experience of my life." Patsy groaned. And both women turned around and kept listening.

ââââââ..

Patsy ran down the Kitchen stairs, "Turn on the television, it's the first episode, turn it on!" Patsy wailed.

Saffron went over and turned on the television.

The announcer came on, "We have taken 12 people from the city, who have never been to a farm, or been to the country ever before, and we have put them into Amish country, where they will live like Amish people until they are eliminated, the last person, will win the 500, 000 dollar cash prize."

"That's 278,039 pounds," Patsy blurted out.

Announcer:" We've asked all the contestants who'd they'd like eliminated first, 10 of them have said Patsy and Edina."

The program went through clips of 10 people saying thy want patsy and Edina eliminated.

Announcer:" Why do you want them eliminated Sandy?

Sandy: "Patsy and Edina came up to me, obviously they have been drinking a little and forced me to do their work for them, when I said no, they called me a –beep-"

Announcer: "Patsy and Edina, who do you want to be eliminated first?"

Patsy: "That –beep- Sandy, we asked her to do our work for us and she was like 'no, do it yourself, blah, blah, blah'

Edina: "what a –beep- and that –beep- Craig tried to take our booze!"

Patsy: "yeah, god"

The television went through clips of people working, and complaining, and of Patsy and Edina boozing behind the shed.

Announcer: Now it is time to make the first Elimination, all of you please write the names of the two people you wish to eliminate on this paper, and stick it in this jar.

The television shows clips of people scribbling on paper, and sticking it into the jar.

Announcer: and the tally is Patsy and Edina 10, Sandy and Craig 2. Well the answer is clear Patsy and Edina have been eliminated.

The television showed a clip of Edina and Patsy jumping up and down cheering.

Announcer: how do you both feel about being eliminated?

Edina: Fabulous! This is so fabulous!

Patsy: I couldn't be happier!

Saffron then clicked of the television, "you two are a disgrace to England! What were you thinking?"

"You weren't there, it was bloody hell!" Patsy snapped back.

Edina shrugged, "Hey, at least we were on television."


End file.
